How to be a Valentine: Love In Action

by: Sr. Mary Ann Zimmer, ND

St. Valentine is best known as a 5th century martyr whose deeds are told through legend. His feast on February 14 was established in 496, by Pope Gelasius I and falls immediately before the February 15 Roman holiday of spring fertility! Coincidence? Strategic pre-emptive calendar move? In any event, February brings us fanciful and serious occasions for reflections on essential relationships.

When our foundress, Blessed Alix, was dying she left this advice to the sisters, “love and unity will be the only means of preserving our Order.” The wisdom of Alix is not particular to the convent. All forms of human community depend on these realities. This comes back to me when we enter into February with hearts and flowers everywhere. Love and unity are essential preservatives of large and small relationships.

When we first begin to relate to a newly formed community, whether it is the first semester of college, a new workplace with new co-workers, or a new romantic relationship or newly formed family, we are often granted a period of optimism and friendliness all around. Only gradually do we find out the human frailties that are going to be our companions in this new venture.

When someone enters a convent, people often assume that they have left the problems of “this world” to enter an
island of calm that is sheltered from normal daily cares. Idealistic novices can even have such fantasies. When the newness wears off, we find that in our religious community we are just here with other human beings. We have most of the same struggles that accompany the efforts of people living together in other forms of relationship. We bring our wounds with us. We struggle with giving each other room to grow and change. We run out of patience when we most regret it. We struggle ask forgiveness and to forgive.

Blessed Alix was very clear that the love and unity she valued were not for the purpose of creating a tranquil life for the sisters. She was always oriented toward service. Her passion was the education and care of young girls who were valued by no one else. All of us today can call on the energy of love to spend on those who need it most. Sometimes it needs to be spent on self-compassion. Sometimes those who need it most are related to us by blood and sometimes by the bond of unity through shared human dignity. When we look to the edges of our society today we find immigrants and refugees, people of the LGBTQ+ community, people laboring under the burden of racial and ethnic bigotry, and children trapped in underfunded schools or dangerous neighborhoods. What do you see when you look around? To what simple, heartfelt steps do love and unity invite you? What gifts of love and unity energize your heart?

A Note on unity as an ideal: It is a sad reality that some relationships we would like to make loving ones are not
possible. Love does not require persisting in a relationship that is dangerous to mental or physical safety. Love for oneself is also a Christian virtue and the choice to leave, however difficult, can be the most virtuous choice.